I would like to thank... The glory of the Oscars

Political correctness is a hydra-headed beast and a hardworking one. It even accounts for a famous change in the words accompanying the opening of the envelopes. Instead of the old "And the winner is" – too invidious, too supremacist – the formula became "And the Oscar goes to". Whether this has softened the blow for losers is debatable.

There are different styles of speeches for different styles of victor. There is the 'Raised in a trailer park' speech (Hilary Swank). The 'I had a dream' speech (Russell Crowe, Jamie Foxx). The 'Thank you for making me special' speech (Sally Field). The 'I haven't prepared a speech' speech (Sean Penn). The 'I'm bursting into tears' speech (Halle Berry, Gwyneth Paltrow). The 'It's all a miraculous conspiracy by God, fate, karma, the universe and the life force' speech (Forest Whitaker).